Al Diamon has a unique ability, in his columns, to flip a switch and go from lighthearted joking to biting social commentary and back again.

He performed that maneuver deftly this week.

Instead of nebulous enemies like “one world government” and “Diversity,” [the Tea Partiers] really ought to find somebody specific to blame.

Somebody like … immigrants. The Republican platform demands the restoration of “the process of assimilation of immigrants to preserve the benefits of an advanced[,] educated and prosperous society.” Already, we can see how foreign-speaking devils have damaged our ability to properly punctuate.

In reality, assimilation, which – as any Austrian economist can tell you – isn’t a government function, takes time. Otherwise, all those retired Maine mill workers wouldn’t still be speaking French when they’re at home. Also, subversive restaurants would stop serving ployes and poutine.

I understand the impatience of Tea Partiers still waiting for the Irish (St. Patrick’s Day, stout), the Germans (Christmas trees, lager beer), the Muslims (mathematics, distilled liquor), the Mexicans (Cinco de Mayo, tequila), the Africans (jazz, rock) and the Chinese (mahjong, tea) to quit clinging to their past and embrace America (light beer, Miley Cyrus).

But if immigrants refuse to take the fall for whatever’s wrong, who will? Intellectuals? The communists have already blamed them. Jews? An unpopular choice since the Nazis tried it. Democrats? A tough sell in the general election.

Hypocrites?

Now, those folks make even mild-mannered me angry.

Further reading: Al's Down East column on the state of political coverage in Maine and A.J. Higgins' excellent analysis of the Republican primary race, referenced in the post.